A Beginners Guide to Bondage

A BEGINNERS GUIDE TO BONDAGE SEX

Bondage in the bedroom is one of those dark mysteries that sounds exciting and dangerous. The thought of bondage makes you feel a little kinky and now you’ve decided as a couple to venture into the taboo world of bondage sex. Congratulations, with the help of our guide to bondage you’re in for a good time!

In order to have the best time possible you shouldn’t just jump into this new adventure head first. We’ve put together a beginner’s guide to bondage for couples. This guide will help ensure that you will have a hot, intense, and a safe bondage experience. Because when it’s done right, it feels so good it hurts!

We have a section to help you with buying your bondage starter kit. You can click right here to skip straight to it.

A Safe Bondage Experience Starts With Communication

Here are the talking points you should cover for your first bondage experience together.

Sexual Comfort Levels

It can be hard to know your own comfort level if you have never tried certain things before, but we all have limits. Maybe you want your wrists handcuffed but don’t feel comfortable being blindfolded at the same time.

Take it slow and share any concerns. You may find as you venture deeper into the bondage world your comfort levels will shift and evolve.

Share Your Sexual Fantasies

Check out our couples challenge and take the MojoUpgrade quiz here. You’ll be able to share your deepest darkest fantasies without the embarrassment of maybe exposing too much.

This is a great tool to discover if you and your partner feel the same about bondage and to start some great sexually driven conversations.

Have an Open Mind 

You’re about to enter a deeply passionate and sexy world. Be open minded and willing to try different things. Make sure you are comfortable but be open to your partners interests. Just like trying new and strange foods, it might take a few attempts before you know how you really feel about something.

Submissive vs. Dominant 

Discussing your roles lets you both delve deeper into your sexual desires. Some people who are dominant in public like to experience submission in private and vice versa. Never assume your roles are obvious.

If you are both unsure of which role you might like more, then take the opportunity to experiment with both. Some couples stick to their roles while others like to role play or change it up throughout the night.

Safe Words

Finally, before you start doing anything, pick a safe word. This is an absolute key to a safe bondage experience. If one of you is caught up in the moment, you may not see the cues that the other partner is not enjoying the experience.

Have fun with it and pick something silly like pumpernickel, artichoke, or chinchilla. You may never have to use it but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Get Prepared For Your Bondage Experience

You’re about to have one the sexiest experiences of your lives together. Will you like it? Will you hate it? Maybe you’ll like it more than you expected? Proper preparation is needed to have the night of your lives.

Shopping for Bondage Gear 

Do you prefer the fuzzy cuffs or the leather shackles? A sexy way to find out more about each other’s tastes and interests is to go shopping together.

We put together a shopping guide for your bondage starter kit. It’s a lot further down this post, but you can click right here to skip straight to it.

Sex shops that specialize in bondage usually have friendly and informed staff who are happy to help you find beginner items that will keep you coming back for more.

Try Out Our Sex Game! 

If you need a little push in the right direction then download our FREE game, Sex In A Hat. It’ll take you places you never thought you would go. Look through the game pieces and see which ones catch your eye and what is just not up your alley.

Bondage Research

Who knew research could be so fun? You can find info from other couples, psychologists, bondage experts, and many pictures, videos, and articles.

Try not to over think it. There is no perfect technique and in the end it’s your bodies that will tell you what’s right.

Bondage Porn

Do not use porn as a teaching guide for your first experiences with bondage. Remember that porn is not real and the actors are often doing just that, acting. Use it for inspiration not imitation.

Beginner’s Guide to Bondage Infographic

Carvaka is a fantastic UK based company that believes we are never more alive, excited or happy than when having incredible passionate sex. They have put together this easy and informative info-graphic to help you start your bondage experience right!

Guide to bondage for beginners infographic

The Communication Doesn’t End When The Bondage Starts

Everything you’ve done so far has led up this moment. You can smell the leather and the sexual tension.  It’s time for some real kinky date night fun, but a lot can go wrong. Now is not the time to stop communicating.

Take it Slow

Bondage is like walking a fine line between pleasure and pain. At first you may not know where that line is so be patient and take things slowly.

Try one thing at a time and use words like harder, softer, faster, slower, etc. Communicating what you want and what you are enjoying will guide your partner and give you a much fuller satisfying experience.

Don’t Get Caught Up in the Moment

It can be so easy to get caught up in the pleasure and fun of the moment. Pay attention to your partner’s verbal and nonverbal cues. Have they gone silent, started flinching or pulling away?

Maybe it’s is time for you to take a step back and reassess the situation. This will allow your partner to feel safe and help create a more trusting sexual relationship.

Use Your Safe Word

If you are uncomfortable don’t continue just because you think your partner is enjoying themselves. Speaking up quickly will allow you to both readjust and change to something you both enjoy.

Using the safe word does not mean the night is over. It can be as simple as stopping to loosen handcuffs or remove a blindfold. Feeling safe increases the trust you have in each other and allows you to explore your sexual boundaries in a great environment.

Always take the use of the safe word seriously.

Did You Enjoy Your Bondage Experience?

Your wrists are sore from the restraints and you’re feeling a little flushed and tingly. Did you like it? How about your partner? Use the cuddle time afterwards to talk about your bondage experience.

beginners bondage toys

Pillow Talk

The fun is over and you are lying next to each other breathless and sore. Cuddle up and start talking. Expressing to your partner what you loved, liked, didn’t care for, or absolutely hated, can help make your next bondage experience better.

Find Your Happy Place

Many people find the first time they had sex was painful, awkward, or uncomfortable. This bondage experience could have felt the same way, but you didn’t stop having sex so why would you stop experimenting with bondage?

Think about what you enjoyed the most and include it in your sexual repertoire. If you both loved every moment of the night, think about taking things further with more props or role play to discover your limits.

Quality Bondage Equipment Makes for a Better Time

Using your necktie as a makeshift blindfold is fun, but investing in some great bondage gear can make your bondage experience simpler and more comfortable.

If you really loved your experience and want to make bondage a part of your sex lives, invest in quality equipment.

Our Recommendations For Your Bondage Starter Kit

One of the most important pieces of a fun and safe bondage experience are the toys you play with. A trip to your local sex shop, or a quick search on Amazon, can leave you overwhelmed with options.

What are good beginner options? Are they safe? Are they comfortable? Are they sexy? Choosing the right equipment for your beginners bondage experience can be daunting.

We’ve had plenty of experience with various toys and equipment to enhance our bondage experience. Some were great, some were cheap, some were really uncomfortable. Nipple clamps, never again!

These are our recommendations for your bondage starter kit. Of course you don’t need all these toys to have an amazing beginners bondage experience. Start with what you feel comfortable with, and slowly start building your toy box.

We want to make sure you know that all the links below are affiliate links.

RESTRAINTS

Fifty Shades of Grey Hard Limits Bed Restraint Kit

This bondage set has become one of our most used items in our sexy toy box. Even if you’re not a 50 Shades of Grey fan, you can’t deny it has opened many people’s eyes to the world of bondage.  

Without being overly intimidating this bondage set gets the job done while keeping you comfortable. The Velcro restraints are soft, easy to adjust, and remove in a hurry if needed.

The restraint straps are adjustable and can be used anywhere your imagination takes you. The metal snap hooks are strong but are also easy to open for quick release.

Bed Restraint Bondage Kit

50 Shades of Grey Restraint Bondage Kit

This set offers a lot of versatility. You can go wrists-to-wrists, wrists-to-ankles, or any combination you can think of. The straps let you easily tie your partner to the bed, couch, chair, or any other furniture, safely, without causing damage.

The blindfold included in this set is great for most people, fits well, and as a bonus can just be used for a good night’s sleep.

The packaging makes it easy to store which is nice since all the small pieces can sometimes get lost after a few nights of fun.

PROS: Versatile, Comfortable, Durable, Easy to use

CONS: Blindfold isn’t adjustable, Appearance is more practical than sensual

Pleasure Tape

We started using pleasure tape a little more recently and it has been an exciting addition to our bondage experience.

Pleasure tape is wonderful because it only sticks to itself, leaving your skin and hair safe from harm. Perfect for bondage beginners.

This tape can be used to tie hands together, blindfold each other, tie to furniture, or even as fun and sexy latex inspired clothing.

Bondage Pleasure Tape

Bondage Pleasure Tape

You can reuse the tape more than once if it is re-rolled well after use but if stretched or wet it can’t be saved. In our opinion it’s much more fun to just rip the tape off and buy a new roll when you’re all out.

Pleasure tape is an great way to enter the world of bondage and get a little creative. Just make sure to be careful about how tightly you tie each other. The second you feel like you’re losing circulation remove the tape immediately.

PROS: Inexpensive, Discreet, Versatile

CONS: One time use, Stretches out, Less strong than restraints

Fetish Fantasy Furry Cuffs

Every couple venturing into the world of bondage should own 1 pair of fluffy handcuffs. These furry bad boys may not be the most versatile but they will make for a sensual bondage experience.

If you like taking sexy pictures, want to add some spice to your school girl role play, or just like to tease your partner while they are tied to a bedpost, these are perfect.

Fetish Fantasy Furry Cuffs

Fetish Fantasy Furry Cuffs

Bright blue fluffy handcuffs were our very first sex store purchase as a couple.While we may not take them out very often anymore, they opened our eyes to a world of possibilities.

Fantasy cuffs are easy to self remove with or without the keys and if you have small wrists you can actually slip out of them with a little force. So if you are nervous about a new bondage experience, feeling a little in control may be comforting.

PROS: Sensual Appearance, Easy to use, Inexpensive, Great for beginners

CONS: Not Versatile, Metal can be uncomfortable, Not the most secure restraints

FUN ACCESSORIES

Blue Dolphin Vibrator

Before we ever ventured into the world of bondage, we started using a few toys. This vibrator is great for beginners and pros alike. Everyone exploring their sexual fantasies should start with a basic vibrator.

An unintimidating size, this vibrator remains firm but still flexible and has a great texture. It is waterproof but be very careful that you close it well when changing the batteries otherwise it can damage the electronics. We have had many great nights in hot tubs, showers, and pools without any issues.

Blue Dolphin Vibrator

Blue Dolphin Vibrator

It’s quite a powerful experience to have your partner tied up and watching them squirm with pleasure as you tease them with the vibrator. The vibrations feel great inside and out, so don’t be she to use them on the guys.

The vibrator comes in multiple speeds, great for a simple tease to mind blowing orgasms. Some people have mentioned the vibrations are very noisy but we have compared with other vibrators and they all seem to be about the same.

Make sure to clean the jelly material after each use and dry well otherwise it will start to deteriorate.

The Blue Dolphin uses two AA’s. We got ourselves a some rechargeable batteries. They will usually last throughout the night, and if they don’t last it just means we had a really good time! It is suggested to remove the batteries in between uses, batteries can start leaking and damage the insides.

PROS: Multiple vibration options, Waterproof, easy to clean, classic vibrator

CONS: Can be noisy, batteries need to be changed often (be green and get rechargeables!)

Big O Multi-Stage Vibrating Penis Ring

Cock rings are hit or miss with many couples but at such a low price, they are worth trying because if you like them, you love them.

We have tried many vibrating rings over the years and this one has been a great addition to our toy box.

Cock rings are great for increasing a man’s stamina by putting pressure on the base of his penis which will keep him hard.

The vibration isn’t overly powerful but if it hits the right spot it gets the job done well without being too intense. This cock ring has a slightly bigger vibrator then most so it is more likely to hit the right spot.

Vibrating Cock Ring

Big O Vibrating Cock Ring

The Big O uses three AG10 batteries and should last about 80 minutes of use. Your experience may vary though. At this price point you might just want to get a few extra’s instead of going through the effort of replacing the batteries.

Adding a cock ring to your night of pleasure is a fun, easy and inexpensive way to up the ante.

PROS: Inexpensive, Battery included, Multi-speed vibrations

CONS: Hard to clean, batteries need to be changed often

Astroglide 2.5 oz

When it comes to sex, lube is god! Lube makes everything easier, more pleasurable, and sensual.

I will admit that when we started experimenting, lube wasn’t in our repertoire. We used a lot of saliva and although it worked okay, when we started using lube, the game changed.

Astroglide has been around for forever and for good reason. This lube is water soluble making it safe to use with any latex or rubber toys, doesn’t stain your clothes or sheets, and leaves you without feeling gross and sticky.

Astroglide

Astroglide

Just a small amount of Astroglide is all you need which allows you to concentrate on each other and not reapplying lube every 2 minutes.

It does come on the thinner side which can be frustrating if it leaks everywhere but is great for only leaving a thin smooth layer on your skin. You do have to make sure it is well closed though otherwise messy accidents can happen.

For most people Astroglide is great for sensitive skin but it’s always a good idea to test out the product on some less sensitive areas before going full throttle.

PROS: Waterbased, smooth, easy to clean off, safe to use with toys

CONS: Expensive, thin consistency which can leak

The Sex in a Hat Game

When we started getting a little more adventurous in the bedroom we were nervous to share what kind of fantasies we both had. We created this fun game to allow the night to take it’s own sexy course and explore our sexual boundaries.

The Sex in a Hat game allows couples to go to places they have never been. Discover new fantasies, laugh with each other, and scream with pleasure.

The Sex in a Hat Couples Game

The Sex in a Hat Couples Game

Our game is unique for every couple and gives you the freedom to remove anything you don’t feel comfortable doing or add something we might have missed.

As we got more adventurous, we added more and more fun ideas to our hat (Bonus points if you have a top hat like a sexy magician!).

PROS: It’s FREE!, Adjusts to your level of comfort

CONS: We haven’t found one but maybe we are partial. 😉

THE NEXT LEVEL

Feather Whip Tickler

Taking your bondage experience to the next level can sometimes mean mixing pain and pleasure. Sensory overload or deprivation during bondage is a great way to heighten your experience and this tickler hits the right spots.

The feathery end allows you to tickle, caress, and tease your partner most delicate and sensitive areas. A quick flick of your wrist and you exchange gentle caresses to sharp tingling sensations.

Feather Whip Tickler

Feather Whip Tickler

Not only is it effective, this whip has a nice look to it and makes a great addition to a sexy outfit. We often up the ante by including restraints and a blindfold in our fun so the receiver has no idea what’s coming.

Although this may seem more intense for beginners, you can start by just using the feathery side and running the leather side along your partner’s skin without actually doing any whipping. Explore your boundaries by asking them what they enjoy.

PROS: Attractive, Dual sided, Sturdy

CONS: Feathers can fall off with time

Fetish Fantasy Spandex 3-hole Hood

As you start to feel comfortable with your bondage game you can start exploring the dominant and submissive side of bondage. It will push your sexual boundaries even further and heighten the intensity of the experience.

This spandex hood will bring a sexy dark energy to your evening. The fact that you’re wearing a mask allows you both to get into character. You’ll soon find yourselves unleashing a sexual energy you didn’t know you had.

Spandex 3 Hole Hood

Spandex 3 Hole Hood

The hood is technically one size fits all, but Chris found it pretty tight. The spandex is flexible and stretchy. Katie found it to be very comfortable and it fit snuggly so there were no lumpy seams.

The spandex breaths well and is easily hand washable. After several uses it still fits perfectly. This is really good bang for the buck.

Katie had the great idea of cutting a little hole in the top so she could pull her ponytail through. It helped make the mask a little more comfortable, and the ponytail is a sexy addition to an already hot look.

Add a ball gag and a blindfold for the complete submissive look. Are you ready to get to this level?

PROS: Very sexy! Spandex breathes well and is flexible. Easy to clean.

CONS: You could find it hard to breath after a while. Not for people with big heads.

Leather Breathable Ball Gag

The ball gag is ubiquitous with bondage. If you’re going to go from bondage beginners to bondage enthusiasts you definitely need one of these in your toy box.

This item is not for the faint of heart. Once you put on the ball gag there is a clear line drawn as to who is the dominant, and who’s submissive.

This is not a bad thing, it’s actually really good. You just need be sure that you’re ready to bring your bondage game to that level. You must both be 100% trusting of each other before you start getting deep into the sub/dom level.

Leather Ball Gag

Leather Ball Gag

This leather ball gag is just the right size. Not so big that it makes your jaw hurt. Not too small that it’s almost pointless.

The leather strap is comfortable, won’t dig into your neck, and is easily removable. We suggest that you leave the ball gag just loose enough so you can spit out the ball if necessary.

This ball gag is hot. We love using it on those nights we want to go all out. If you’re ready to take your bandage experience up a notch, the ball gag is the best place to start.

PROS: Fits well. Easy to remove. Amazing bang for the buck.

CONS: A ball gag is not for everyone. It gets uncomfortable quickly.

Strict Leather Fur Lined Collar

A bondage collar is a surprisingly versatile accessory. It’s damn sexy too.

There is certain raw emotion that is brought out by seeing your partner wear a collar, or by wearing the collar yourself. The collar helps us tap into the sexual animal inside of us. It unleashes a desire we never knew we had.

The leather collar further distinguishes who is in the dominant or the submissive role. Being comfortable in these roles is a big step forward in your bondage adventure. Letting your partner put a collar on you shows 100% trust and love in them.

Leather Fur Lined Collar

Leather Fur Lined Collar

The Strict Leather Fur Lined Collar is comfortable around any neck. The leather is sturdy and will not wear down easily. The fur helps ensure you don’t chafe. The buckle is secure, but easy to remove when the time comes.

Combining the collar with a restraint kit gives you many options. You can clip the wrists to any of the three rings on the neck. You can use one of the straps as a leash. You could tie the collar around a beam or bedpost, allowing you to clip your partner’s wrists and ankles to it.

Safety is key when it comes to a fun bondage experience. The collar is not something you want to take lightly. Take every precaution to ensure you have it on properly, and you’re ready to remove it at a moment’s notice.

PROS: The fur is comfortable. The leather is durable. The buckle is secure but easy to use.

CONS: Can get uncomfortable even with the fur. A little on the pricier side for what you get.

Frisky Tame Me 8 Piece Bondage Set

This bondage set has everything you need for a kinky night. A blindfold, ball gag, tassle whip, tickler, a couple of cuffs, and a collar with a leash.

If you’re still not sure what equipment you need to take your bondage fun to a new level then this bondage kit is a great place to start. And an amazing price for what you get.

Most kits with this many pieces would be almost twice the price. The downside is that it’s not the best equipment. The pieces can feel cheap.

8 Piece Bondage Set

8 Piece Bondage Set

This bondage kit is meant for the couple that’s going from bondage beginners to bondage adventurers. It will allow you test your limits, with decent quality, and it won’t cost you too much.

Once you’ve had a chance to play with the ball gag, collar, and whip you’ll know if it’s for you. Then you should begin thinking about investing a little more money for your bondage toys.

PROS: 8 pieces, has everything you need in a bondage kit, great bang for the buck.

CONS: The pieces are not the best quality.

CLOTHING

Trinidad Fishnet Garter Dress

A night of bondage fun is so much better if you feel confident and sexy. Finding an outfit that both you and your partner love can sometimes be a little tricky.

We love to dress up but we don’t always have the same taste when it comes to sexy clothes. That all changed when we discovered fishnet bodysuits.

This one piece outfit gives you curves in all the right places and makes you feel like a star. The best part is that you can keep this outfit on all evening without it obstructing any of the fun.

Fishnet Garter Dress

Fishnet Garter Dress

We were amazed how well the one piece fit and it was very comfortable. Reading reviews from other buyers shows that women of every body type loved the way this outfit looked on them.

Be careful taking it off, as the material is very fragile and thin. Hand washing is your best bet for multiple wears.

PROS: Flattering on all body types, Easy access, comfortable

CONS: Delicate material can tear, Must hand wash

Crotchless Lace Up Back Panty

Sexy doesn’t always have to be complicated. If you aren’t into latex and lace and are just looking for a sexy and simple clothing article to boost the mood, try these adorable panties.

Booty is a good thing, and these panties show it off, and make you feel hot as hell.

Crotchless Lace Up Back Panty

Crotchless Lace Up Back Panty

We love crotch-less panties as they allow us to keep them on while having all the fun. Sometimes you just feel sexier with some clothes on and that’s okay!

These panties are comfortable and super flattering to the booty.

PROS: Comfortable, Easy access

CONS: Ribbon gets twisted (hand wash to be safe)

Bamboo Mini Short

We can’t let the girls have all the fun when it comes to sexy clothing. Depending on your taste, men’s sexy clothing isn’t as elaborate as women’s. We keep it simple when it comes to his attire for a sexy evening.

A great fitting pair of boxer shorts goes a long way to showing off a man’s goodies.

Sexy Mens Underwear

Sexy Mens Underwear

These Bamboo mini shorts do all the right things by showing off his muscled ass and placing his package front and center.

PROS: Comfortable, Great fit, Breathable

CONS: You may want 5 pairs and spend all your money!

It’s Time to Start Your Bondage Experience

Bondage sex can be intimidating, but if you follow this simple guideline you’re bound to have a good time!

If our guide to bondage for beginners has sparked your interest but you don’t know how to approach your partner about it, go check out our post on Pushing your sexual boundaries or try Discovering your hidden sexual fantasies together.

Authored by: Katie & Chris

Chris and Katie are the LoveTripper’s. They have been together for over 9 years, and got married in April 2014. They believe that the key to a healthy long-lasting relationship is constant work and effort. The Love Tripper’s share their advice on how to keep that sexy fire burning, avoiding pointless arguments, and finding a deeper love for your partner every day. Love is a trip, enjoy the ride!

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