We have been inundated with fairytales and whirlwind movie romances our whole lives. From childhood, Disney has told us that we will find love at first sight, and we should be willing to give up our freedom (Belle from Beauty and the Beast) or our talents (Ariel from the Little Mermaid) for true love. RomComs are all about skeezy characters redeeming themselves and promising to change their ways to prove themselves. It sounds like a beautiful dream and we all get so wrapped up in it that we forget how unlikely and silly these lies really are.
Here are the 6 lies that the world tells us about relationships that we all need to stop listening to right now.
Making Huge Sacrifices Proves Your Love
Do you really want that guy you have been dating to quit his amazing job and leave his hometown to fly across the country to be with you? It is true that sacrifices have to be made by both partners for relationships to last, but usually those sacrifices revolve around who sleeps on the right side of the bed and who controls the remote. A happy person can love their job, their home, their friends, their family, and their partner. Asking them to sacrifice something else they love to prove their love for you is selfish and will only lead to unhappiness and resentment.
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
This classic Marilyn Monroe quote has been plastered over social media and tattooed on body parts for years. Everyone has flaws and it’s fair to say you cannot expect perfection, but this quote is used as a scapegoat far too often. If your worst is an abusive alcoholic or a self centered egomaniac then who cares what your best is, because your worst is awful. Having this mentality puts the blame entirely on the other person and keeps you from working on becoming a better person.
A Person Can Change In An Instant
The biggest takeaway I have had from RomComs is that a character who has spent their whole lives being self centered jerks, can change in an instant. With one romantic apologetic speech all is forgiven and they lived happily ever after. They never show the sequel where the person is back to cheating, lying, and up to their old ways. Changing personal behaviour takes time and work, and just like getting fit there might be a few slip ups. But movies like to show everything wrapped up in a tiny little bow and we start to expect the same from real life.
Love Will Solve Everything
It is probably the most romantic lie we are told. We want to believe love can solve all our problems. The world would probably be a better place if it was true, but most of the time, love is just a small part of a much bigger picture. You can’t expect everything to work out just because you are in love. What if you want children and they don’t? If they are practicing catholics and you are a practicing muslim? Or if your from different sides of the world? Sometimes you will be able to come to an agreement, but sometimes love is just not enough and that’s okay. Being in love is an important and beautiful feeling, but there is a lot more that goes into making relationships work.
You Can Fix A Person’s Flaws
This deep seeded belief has kept people in bad relationships for lifetimes. When you are in a relationship you should go into it knowing that you can accept the other person’s flaws. Trying to be your partners saviour or teacher will make your relationship feel more like a parent then a lover.
The First Time You Have Sex it Will Be Beautiful
Hollywood loves showing you the steamy, rip off your clothes, throw you on the bed, passionate sex between two characters finally having sex. What they don’t show you is the awkward part where his pants get stuck around his ankles, and her hair gets stuck in his watch. He drops the condom while trying to put it on, and her roommate knocks on the door half way through asking where you put the cereal. In reality, having sex with someone new can be strange and uncomfortable. You don’t know what positions you both like, your breath might be a little stinky, and you’re not wearing the cutest underwear. The media turns sex into a beautifully choreographed event, when really there is lots of laughing, adjusting and weird noises involved.
Relationship are complex, challenging, and amazing all at the same time. Manage your expectations as a couple and don’t fall for the lies that hollywood and world tells you. We want to hear some of your examples of the typical lies about relationships in the comments below.